Humour

Cloud confusion

T A Balasubramanian explores the benefits of cloud computing

We are back, once again in the jungle terrain of the Techno Over-exposition of Geeks and Gizmos for Lazy Enterprises (TOGGLE). In the thick of it all, you, Papyrus Bytewala, CIO of Baffle Corporation, come face to face with an old friend, Nawab Ghoda Ghallstone, Junior. You are, of course, accompanied by Danny DeVito, CTO at Baffle, and also the first biped walking humanoid.

The nawab, as you recollect from your earlier meetings, is an engaging old relic from the Raj, a pretentious pukka sahib, and the founder and CEO of Ghallstone Labs. Encountering you now, the effusive nawab is as boisterous and voluble as ever. He is sprawled inside a large exhibition stall decorated with a gigantic cut-out of what seems to be a large white blob with a jagged blue streak of light blazing inside it. Spread above this garish display is a bold caption, ‘Thunder Bolt’ and under it is a tagline, ‘Electrify Your Enterprise Applications.’

“Well, well, well. Welcome to our humble space, Papyrus, and DeVito,” he coos, cheery and effusive as ever as he thumps your back and shakes your CTO’s hand. Decked in a startling blue trench coat, he flaunts red turban with an emerald on the crest. “As you can see, we have moved on after the Tiger Polish days when we turned ordinary people like Danny here into super salesmen. All that is old hat, my boy. We move with the times, do we not? We have now turned our attention to the brand new world of cloud computing.”

“So what is cloud computing, if I may ask?,” says DeVito, even as you start wondering if the nawab is finally losing his balance. The IT marketing business has always been heavy on hype and hot air, but even so, was this latest fad encouraging vendors to go off the deep end?

“Cloud computing will make you forget all about computing as something that happens on the hard drive of your PC or notebook, with software that you loaded on it. Instead, in the new world order that we are promoting, your computing will be done remotely on a cloud of computers somewhere—you will not even know exactly where—and all the software you need will be out there too.”

“Wow, that means we do not have to keep carrying around our data or software with us?” says DeVito.

“That’s right,” says the nawab. “You are already using ‘the cloud’ if you use web-based e-mail, or have a profile on a social networking site. Now imagine a future where all your data—not just your email or your profile—is available on our cloud.”

“Hey nabob, this is fascinating,” says DeVito. “So we have all the software we need on tap anywhere, anytime?”

“Yes, indeed. According to Nicholas Carr, a former executive editor of the Harvard Business Review, you can compare the history of electricity and the future of computing. He argues that just as the turn of the last century brought a huge shift in electricity production, we are now ready to get computing served up like a utility on your cloud computer. And as you can see from our display, we have Thunder Bolt, the next generation cloud machine, designed just for you,” says the nawab, pointing to the picture behind him.

“Hold on,” you say, startled at the speed with which the sales pitch is proceeding. “Sure, nawab, cloud computing is all the rage. The problem is that every vendor, as usual, seems to have a different definition. As a metaphor for the Internet, ‘the cloud’ is a familiar word for us IT buzzards, but when combined with ‘computing,’ the meaning gets hazier than ever. I hear some vendors defining cloud computing narrowly as an updated version of utility computing: basically virtual servers available over the Internet. Others go very wide—making anything that you use outside the corporate firewall as ‘being in the cloud,’ including conventional outsourcing. Now what exactly is this particular cloud that you talk about?”

“Ah, Papyrus, I knew you would ask,” says the nawab airily. “No matter which way we define it, cloud computing is irresistible for business because it is going to be unimaginably cheaper than doing it all in-house in your large, expensive data processing center at Baffle. The massive scale of cloud storage and computing will crunch down the cost so much that it will be most ridiculous on your part not to consider using some of that juice for your company. Of course, you have been seeing this manifested in consumer applications for many years now, with practically unlimited storage offered for online e-mail and photo storage applications. It is up to you and your CTO here to start looking at the cloud in the sky. If nothing else, your CFO, Fin Fina would be after you—with his eye on the bottom line, eh?”

“Maybe he will be, but when it comes to my department, Danny and I call the shots,” you retort, miffed by the nawab’s patronizing tone. “Besides, why would we want to risk putting all our precious corporate data out in cloud?”

“Once again, I have thought of satisfying responses to match your protestations, Papyrus. Here are some interesting facts on security—according to the research firm, Duckbill & Goose, 60% of corporate data resides on desktop and laptop computers, and one in 10 laptops are stolen within 12 months of purchase. Is it any wonder, then, that corporate security professionals consider laptops to be one of the biggest security risks? In other words, your data is probably safer in the cloud than it is on corporate laptops.”

“This gets to be more and more interesting,” says DeVito. “And I thought having one’s head in a cloud means the opposite of being grounded and secure.”

“Ah, I see that Danny here is almost convinced, but you have a frown on your face, Papyrus. Why the stormy look?”

“Well, what do you expect? Information is born free, but everywhere is found in chains. My experience says that this silvery cloud, which starts off as a technological innovation created by idealistic geniuses with utopian visions, will soon be rapidly seized by the incumbent in power and turned to other purposes. I know I am in the IT business and technology is supposed to be the ultimate tool for us, or even the ultimate high for you with your marketing big bangs, but do we really want to become utterly dependent on something about which we have essentially no say? Put our entire corporate buffet into an airy puff that we cannot even locate?”

“Well, well, we are in an apocalyptic mood today, are we?” says the nawab, putting on his most charming smile. “From my experience, Papyrus, may I also point out that in a decade or so, many things you and I now believe to be permanent will have disappeared.”

“One of those things will be the IT function, my dear nawab,” you say, smoothly. “With everything out there being supplied by the mother of all clouds, do you realize, Danny that both you and I would be out of work?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You are welcome to join me, Papyrus. And you too, Danny. As part of my Thunder Bolt operations management team, you will both have new career paths in selling the cloud as we bravely march ahead to the tune of the World Wide Computer.”