Humour

On the trail of hackers

T A Balasubramanian on DeVito’s meeting with Gene Hackman.

“Wasn’t she great?” says Danny DeVito. “Prima Donna,” he whispers with a smile. “Prima Donna, the cryptic lady who can make any code. And I bet she can break any code as well.”

You, Papyrus Bytewala, CIO of Baffle Corporation, are moving from booth to booth, experiencing the aura of TOGGLE, the Techno Over-exposition of Geeks and Gizmos for Lazy Enterprises. In this tour of the IT Bazaar, you have for company, DeVito, your CTO at Baffle. He is being encouraged to learn by directly experiencing the attractions of the exhibition, and, of course, by absorbing your own strain of wisdom as the two of you stroll around.

For the first time, the biped walking humanoid seems smitten by the charms of an attractive member of the human female clan.

“Danny, you seem to be softening in the head, if I may say so, since I have no proof that you have a heart,” you observe. “It was the other way round a little while ago—where the girls would swoon on seeing you around. So you find Ms Donna’s cryptology briefing quite as charming as the lady, I presume?”

Were robots programmed to go crazy when smitten by the love bug, like humans? Or was DeVito going gaga over an engrossing encounter with the mysteries of cryptography? Or was he just plain confused?

“I think I’m beginning to enjoy the mystery and beauty of data protection, Papyrus,” says DeVito, gazing into the horizon with a dreamy look. “And I’m not just thinking of Prima Donna—though, of course, she’s all brains and glamour. What I mean is that it takes science and art and imagination to be able to make codes that are baffling to those keen on breaking them. Now that’s what Hollywood is all about, too. It has all the elements of a good plot—danger, suspense and criminal intent.”

“Danger?” says a grave voice. “Suspense? Criminal intent? Well, well, well Danny. I would have imagined that you’re used to that sort of thing.”

You turn to discover a familiar face from cinema. A man with an uncanny ability to disappear into the roles he plays. One who changes like a chameleon, able to play hard-edged roles, such as in The French Connection, and convincing comedy turns in movies such as Superman.

“Oh, boy, oh boy … Gene, is that you?” says DeVito, jumping up and down and hugging the man. “Well, Papyrus, it’s been a while since we two met, so you will excuse Mr Hackman and me for acting like kids.”

“Pleased to meet you, Mr Hackman,” you mutter. DeVito, the original, must have known Gene well. So the memory banks of your CTO are evidently packed with DeVito’s own Hollywood connections. Now, you, of course, know that this version of DeVito is not the original, but a very smart copy, intended to give the IT world a peek into the possibilities of humanoid intelligence. But would Hackman know?

“Indeed, it is I,” guffaws the tall thespian with the crinkly smile that has beguiled millions into trusting or despising the tough guys, spies and loony villains he plays so smoothly. “But here, at TOGGLE, I am on a different mission. Far from the tinsel and greasepaint.”

“A mission, huh?” says DeVito. “So tell us more, you furtive weasel.”

“Yes, indeed, Danny. For I happen to be the head honcho at Virus Blasters Inc, which, as you may have guessed, is a security services company,” says Hackman. “As Papyrus here will probably agree, malware is getting more prevalent, more effective, and nastier everywhere. And hackers are getting better at what they do. So I have my hands full, getting evil code out from millions of computers, cornering the rats who release viruses and generally playing good cop in cybespace.”

“Oh, sweet. So you squash computer bugs for a living, eh?”

“That’s right, Danny. And you?”

“Well, you could say that I am trying to keep myself from becoming obsolete at Baffle,” says DeVito, laughing. “So here I am, escorted by Papyrus, getting a crash course in geeks, gizmos and God-knows-what-else.”

“Goody, goody. Maybe I could join you two? I am on the lookout for a hacker of a particular disposition, reported to be at this place.”

“A hacker? And what may that disposition be?” says DeVito.

“Well. There are bad hackers—often referred to as ‘crackers’ or ‘black hats’—who break into computers, rummage around networks or hard drives, delete files and even trash the system. And there are good hackers, wearing virtual ‘white hats,’ who are hired by corporations to beef up their network security, or who put new software through its paces to test for holes. Then there is this man, Robin Hood, who is a little bit of both.”

“Ah, so he swindles the rich and pays the poor?”

“Well, something like that,” says Hackman. “You could say he’s a romantic in a green hat. To give you an example, he writes code that helps reunite lost laptop computers and their owners by listening to the cries for help from the kidnapped machines.”

“Oh? And how does he do that?”

“The code, called Miriam, after Robin’s girlfriend, sits undetectably and irremovably on a laptop’s hard drive and forces the machine to automatically check in with a company server every time it connects to the Internet. When that connection is made by a computer that’s been reported as stolen, Miriam checks IP addresses and other clues that allow Robin Hood to identify the computer’s exact physical location. He then calls in the police to find and retrieve the laptop.”

“That’s bad news for the thieves, all right,” you say, “I have had my laptop stolen, and I can tell you that it makes my blood boil thinking of the guy who did it.”

“Well, that’s exactly where Robin Hood and his hacking skills comes to your rescue. In fact, he has made it his mission to make computer thieves regret their deeds. His dark-side software, called ‘Viper,’ is less interested in search, and more in destroy. It automatically deletes protected files as soon as a stolen machine accesses the Internet. And in case your laptop fails to connect with the host server, Viper will automatically take self-destructive action based on your pre-set rules and conditions, such as the maximum elapsed time between connect attempts or a number of unsuccessful login attempts, making your system useless.”

“This is amazing,” says DeVito, with a whistle. “So nobody gets away stealing your machine?”

“Nobody,” says Hackman, smiling, “Except Robin Hood himself.”

“But I thought you said he helped people recover their notebooks.”

“That’s only partially true. He will help only those he finds worthy. If he does not like somebody, he arranges for their laptop to be stolen by his own gang, recovers it and keeps it for a while, then donates it, after removing his data mashing software, to somebody needy.”

“That’s a half-crime all right,” you say.

“And that’s why I need to get my hands on him,” says Hackman, looking ready to boil over. “He’s got two of my notebooks so far, and they did contain some very important information.”