Humour

Of CTO rhyme, and CIO reason

T A Balasubramanian on DeVito’s initiation into the Society for the Liberation and Upliftment of Rash Poetry (SLURP).

Currently on an investigative mission from Baffle Technologies (also called Baff-Tech), Doodh Byramji, better known as Doodh, or Doodhi, is an observant design engineer, ever obsessed with getting to the bottom of any subject, however daunting.

As the day progresses, Doodh continues his intimate recording of the workings of Danny DeVito, the first biped walking humanoid and CTO of Baffle Corporation.

Seated in the company’s conference hall, he observes the assembly. There is Papyrus Bytewala, CIO of Baffle, evidently miffed at being left out of the decision-cycle which inducted DeVito into Baffle. Papyrus is still to come to terms with the new dispensation that now forces him to manage a humanoid CTO, a state of affairs he finds quite disturbing.

Also present is Chaibo, the wisecracking tea-serving robot. Then there is a trio of charming guests from Bangalore, including Prof Ironica Asimova, Head of Ironica Robotica, Senior Researcher Nina Nilgiri, and Lola Lipton, Chief Designer. These are, of course, the creators of Chaibo and Danny.

5.15 pm: It’s been a long day, and it seems that we are almost close to getting Papyrus and Danny on the same boat, so to speak. Speaking up now is Ironica.

“Well, Papyrus,” she says, playing the genial pacifist to the hilt, “You were abruptly left out in the cold, when Danny was handed out as Baffle’s CTO bold.”

“That seems to be accurate, yes,” says Papyrus, warily.

“So you feel insulted because you weren’t consulted; you naturally feel irate because you were considered way out-of-date; and you feel a chill because you were told that you’re over the hill. Then Chaibo sang that you’re all yang.”

“All right, all right, you made your point. And why are you rhyming as you speak, if I may ask?”

“I happen to be a honourary member of SLURP.”

“SLURP?” says Papyrus, scratching his head.

“Society for the Liberation and Upliftment of Rash Poetry.”

“And you had to pick on my woes to make the rash poetry?” he responds, sullenly. “Why has nobody ever heard of it, this society?”

“That’s because SLURP is secretive, Papyrus. They don’t believe in a lot of publicity and drum-beating. Incidentally, Danny, you should know that we have built a SLURP routine into your brain, a little high touch, or yin, to balance your high concept, or yang side. But at the moment it’s dormant since it has to be activated by me,” says Lola.

“Oh, my,” says Danny, reeling back. “And how would you activate it?”

“Like this,” says Lola, stepping up to plant a kiss on top of his bald patch.

“Wow, that was something,” stutters Danny, his head rolling from side to side. “You mean I’m officially a SLURP, now?”

“Yes, indeed, you are a slurper, which is what all SLURP members are called,” says Lola, patting his cheek. “You could take a while to start rhyming rashly, though. I don’t know why, I do confess. Part of the warming up, I guess. See? It’s easy.”

“That is beautiful. What the heck is rash poetry?”

“Slap-dash poetry without a warning. It’s rhyming set free of all timing. A devoted slurper will verse when others merely converse. You jingle while you mingle. When you are slurping you look for an unexpected tangential break into your softer, more creative side in the middle of the humdrum daily monotony of conversation—while talking to one another to get things done, while exchanging ideas or views, and so on. Sometimes, you end up creating a lot of shoddy verse, but that’s all right, it’s not the Nobel Prize for literature you are shooting for, just a rowdy way to get your creative side pulsating.”

“Pulsating, eh? Oh, all right, I get the idea. But why do we need something like SLURP?”

“I think it’s an idea whose time has come. It’s a way to get perky when the going gets glum,” chants Lola.

“Oh, this is a little twist of utter delight; it’s hard to be prosaic when the rhyme begins to bite,” says Ironica, pitching in with a little dance step.

“Hey, this is a crazy way to go. It’s time to get Pappy into the flow,” says Danny, snapping his fat fingers. “Oh, come on, Papyrus. You need to loosen up your hands and feet and let your fun side out,” he adds, prodding Papyrus with a nudge on his hip.

“That’s right,” says Nina, grabbing Papyrus by his hand and moving in little steps. “You can be a slurper too, it’s as easy as one-two, one-two.”

“Go on, Pappy, try saying something that rhymes,” says Ironica, pushing him. “It’s fun to let your irrational mind out of the box. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be a slurper in no time.”

“I don’t know,” says Papyrus, his face looking bewildered. “I’m supposed to be a rational IT professional with a linear, logical mind. I don’t think I could speak or write a shred of poetry. It’s just not something I can do.”

“You should listen to the writer Daniel Pink, then,” says Ironica. “In his book, ‘A Whole New Mind’, he says that we humans have moved historically from the Agriculture Age of farmers to the Industrial Age of factory workers to the Information Age of knowledge workers—nothing new so far—but we are all now moving into the Conceptual Age of creators and empathisers. So, Papyrus, it’s not just about information these days, or even knowledge—it’s all about how you mesh and mash knowledge to create something that’s greater than the sum of the parts. So if you are hiding out smugly in this IT box with logic and data stamped all over you, you’re going to be in a soup.”

“Which is one reason why we made Danny here a Debonair, Vocal IT Oddball, or DeVito for short,” says Nina. “You would have got along famously with a logical, obedient, rational, soft-spoken CTO, but we did not program him that way. The intention was to make Danny an oddball who gives new meaning and dynamism to the CTO function.”

“All right, so you have saddled me with a weird CTO,” says Papyrus, in resignation. “But I draw the line when it comes to verse. Why do I need to rhyme when I can curse?”

“Ha, ha, Pappy, you did it! You’re hereby nominated to SLURP,” says DeVito, slapping the CIO on his back. The group claps and cheers, while Papyrus blushes in confusion.

“A Byron has woken up in Papyrus today,” pronounces Chaibo, rolling up with a pot of tea. “And he’s more than willing to sit up and play.”