Humour

Are CTOs rational?

T A Balasubramanian on the problems of dealing with humanoids with an attitude.

“Nobody is willing to admit that the human race, or at least the part of it that we encounter in workplaces, is basically irrational,” says Ms Ironica Asimova, founder and head of Ironica Robotica.

Assembled along with an assortment of the top echelon of Baffle Corporation in the conference hall, you, Papyrus Bytewala, CIO, have just started getting used to the fact that your new CTO, Danny DeVito, is a humanoid with a ticking and active program that is possibly as good as, or maybe better than, that of any flesh-and-blood human sensibility.

“Well, Papyrus, given that a lot of CIOs today are stuck in the CTO role where they have to spend their days managing technology instead of focussing on the business,” says Ironica, “your Boss and CEO, Biswajeet Baffle, gave us the go-ahead to fashion a CTO to take off that extra load from your shoulder, and that’s how we created DeVito here.”

“I appreciate that,” you say reflectively. “It varies a lot, but I think more and more CIOs are moving towards the business side. So they’re people like me, having a good understanding of technology but we have to spend a lot more time in the murkier side of politics, in dealing with business transformation and working cross-organisation. Lot of soft skills there, and very few of the problems are technical. I can solve any technical problem, but it’s always people that are challenging. Now, if I get your drift, I can let Danny take on the technical headaches—the parts that I am good at handling—and leave myself with the larger headaches that involve handling people—and all the irrationality that comes with that.”

“So isn’t that a relief, Papyrus? You get freed up from the operational side, and DeVito gets to manage technical challenges—such as Chaibo here. That’s something you might find interesting too—observing just exactly how a higher level robotic intelligence could govern a simpler, tea-serving system with a tendency to rebel.”

“That depends on how Chaibo responds—and so far, Chaibo has responded by protesting loudly and clearly. A CIO or even a humanoid CTO, has a thankless job. Everybody imagines he or she has done your job before and that they could do a better job than you’re doing right now when you are the one left holding the baby and the bathwater.”

“It’s not that bad, Papyrus,” says Ironica. “You need to give them both a chance to work out their kinks. We have put programs into them, of course, but they are capable of being autonomous—though of course in different ways.”

“Working out their kinks is one thing, but if these two are carrying on the whole time, bullying and rebelling and basically not getting any useful work done, it becomes a tiresome Laurel and Hardy show. Isn’t it far simpler to have Chaibo blindly follow instructions from DeVito? And have DeVito be like … well, my slave? I mean, we humans in Baffle have enough on our plates already dealing with other truculent humans—so why bother to add to our miseries and have sassy humanoids lumbering around with an attitude around here? It’s too tiresome for me.”

“Well, Papyrus, you’re not alone in wanting slave machines that quite simply do your bidding and not mean machines that question, probe, seek and defy commands. Nearly two thousand four hundred years ago Aristotle, considering the ethics of slavery, wrote, and I quote:

For if every instrument could accomplish its own work, obeying or anticipating the will of others, like the statues of Daedalus, or the tripods of Hephaestus, which, says the poet, “of their own accord entered the assembly of the Gods” —if, in like manner, the shuttle would weave and the plectrum touch the lyre without a hand to guide them, chief workmen would not want servants, nor masters, slaves.

Now Aristotle’s idea was that, from a moral point of view, a mechanical slave was preferable to a human one.”

“Well, it’s nice to know old man Aristo had the same idea, but where does that leave me?”

“I agree that it could be tiresome, Papyrus, but if you think about it, attitude is a sign that a creative, self-willed organism is at work, you know. If you had a slave that did nothing but meekly submitted to commands, it would mean a loss of potential so vast that almost no progress will be possible in human. You should be grateful that humanoids with attitude are all set to take on the role of a CTO. After all, Chaibo is a prime example of technology at the workplace, and DeVito is possibly the first non-human workplace Boss.”

“Attitude isn’t a license to swing loose like King Kong, Ms Asimova. I don’t want a CTO who’s more of a personality showcase for Ironica Robotica, determined to display his prowess by puffing up his chest and making rumbling noises. That upsets people, real people. It’s the law of the jungle. Among carnivores there are two primary means of finding food: stalking your own or eating something that someone else has half-finished. I’d rather have a humble grovelling servant, waiting for his turn before he feeds. I’d rather have a scavenger than a predator.”

“Ah, but that’s contrarian wisdom, Papyrus, and it’s not efficient in the corporate jungle, where, if you notice, the predators have a better profile. They have sharply honed survival skills. And don’t we want DeVito to survive?”

“Sure I do. But at what cost? Your conventional wisdom is that it is better, and more respectable, to be a predator than it is to be a scavenger, but if you notice, being a predator is dangerous. The animals that you’re stalking frequently fight back, tooth and claw. What’s more, being in control of your own destiny, even if you’re a humanoid, isn’t necessarily the best strategy for staying well-fed. Scavengers frequently fare better than predators.”

“All right Papyrus of the iron fist. Maybe we can tune Danny to meet your specific expectations, then,” says Ironica, smiling.