Humour

The taming of Chaibo

T A Balasubramanian’s account of how Chaibo finally changes his mutinous stance.

The scene is in Bangalore, at the shining experimental laboratory of Ironica Robotica. Present on site are Prof Ironica Asimova, Founder of the place, and Nina Nilgiri, the svelte Senior Researcher who has designed Chaibo’s inner workings. From Baffle Corporation, where Chaibo has been showing alarming signs of unexpected intelligence, there is Brooke Bond, your Systems Officer, and the one closest to Chaibo and his evolutionary progress. And you, Papyrus Bytewala, CIO, are here to ensure that your CFO, Fin Fina, will have no excuse to run a sword at you later on with regard to the findings of the Chaibo Evolution Committee.

The discovery that Chaibo’s freewheeling memory module has picked up cues from an accidental reading of Mutiny on the Bounty, allowing him to cast Nina in the role of the evil Captain Bligh and himself as the rebellious First Mate Fletcher Christian has, of course, done little to endear Fin Fina to the robot.

“Chaibo, remember, I’m not your Captain. Stand up and tell me honestly what you think of me. This is how you develop trust. I know you have been saying things behind my back. I promise that no matter what you say to my face, I will reply with, ‘Thank you for your assessment’ every time,” says Nina.

Chaibo, re-programmed newly in an attempt to disengage his memory from all thoughts of Mutiny and to improve his attitude, measures out his words as if each one were a drop of poison for Nina to swallow: “I . . . don’t . . . like . . . your . . . style.”

Nina corrects him: “You hate my style of programming you.”

“I hate your style of programming me,” Chaibo says.

“Thank you very much for your assessment, Chaibo. I appreciate your sincerity. Now here is my assessment of you. You are an impertinent adolescent, but less of an adolescent than you were two minutes ago. You have opinions on things that you know nothing about. If you give me permission, I will train you. If you agree to be trained and don’t follow my lead, I will put you into deep sleep. And that’s worse than my style,” says Nina.

Then Chaibo actually smiles, opening a metallic lower jaw to show a yellow light from within, which comes as a surprise to Nina and to the assembly. Chaibo bows low and thanks Nina for her assessment. He looks relaxed, and even does a twirl on his wheels. The mood in the room lifts. Chaibo, the former surly robot, has walked through the fires of program testing and come out safely on the other side.

“You feel good now?” Ironica asks.

“Yes,” says Chaibo, nodding, clearly pleased. “Thank you for asking.”

“That’s what happens in an atmosphere of openness,” Ironica says, pleased. “When trust improves, the mood improves. Everyone feels more confident. One thing you will need to do at Baffle is to have more controlled adolescent tantrums—because tantrums produces real emotions, and when people get emotional, they work better and work as a team.”

“I thought we could do with less emotions in Baffle’s already highly-charged meetings, Ironica,” you counter. “We have a few Othellos and Cleopatras already, so why do we need tantrums from Chaibo as well?”

“We think robotics has advanced now to a state where they can handle emotional situations better than corporate entities such as yourself, Papyrus. Chaibo started off as a programmable semi-autonomous biodynotic corporate chai-serving mechanical robot, guided by algorithmic rules of behaviour, which are predictable—if this happens, do that; if that happens, do this. Strictly speaking, all robots are ‘autonomous’—able to react to their environments and make decisions without prompting from their creators; but most robot connoisseurs consider true robots to be more than just mindless jugglery of ones and zeroes by rolling metal computers.”

“Well, I don’t know about connoisseurs,” says Bond, looking at Nina with something like fawning adoration, “but I am truly blown away by the interactive script you just ran with Chaibo.”

“All in a day’s work, Brooky,” says Nina, simpering, but evidently pleased by the attention.

“Ahem …to continue what I was saying,” says Ironica, giving Bond a stern look, tempered, however, with a faint smile, “Even more important than function is behaviour—bona fide robots are programs with personality. Real robots from our labs will talk, issue assessments, make jokes, and have feelings—even if those feelings are nothing more than cleverly conceived algorithms. As you can well imagine, I suppose as robots proliferate, so will the problems associated with them. Robot behaviour—maybe even robot ethics—will become ever more controversial. But not insoluble.”

“So what you’re saying is that we can now have Chaibo, the bona fide robot, getting hysterical every now and then so that he can mingle more easily with the rest of humanity?” you ask, doubtfully.

“Controlled tantrums with a purpose, Papyrus,” says Ironica, smiling widely. “Chaibo will be moody at times, perhaps, but not necessarily hysterical in the sense of being out of control. As you saw just now, with Nina, Chaibo is more of a polished and polite player. As a permission-giving robot, he is not hiding from us, or from himself, or becoming defensive when prodded into actions that do not fit into his scheme of programming. He feels free, or almost as free as a robot can be in a corporate setting with goals and tasks. The conversation, if you notice, is almost spiritual. He is now willing to listen to what Nina says and what everyone around have to say about him and to accept the fact that humans are annoying, bossy, demanding and irrational.”

“Hey, that’s accurate, Captain,” says Chaibo suddenly, looking at Ironica with a bemused expression, the little green eyes blinking. “Just joking about the captain part, but here is my assessment. I love the way you express yourself.”

Chaibo makes a whirring sound and produces a cup of tea for Ironica.

“Thank you, Chaibo. You show your true feelings rather well,” says Ironica, patting the hemispherical metal head fondly.